Taylor woke up at seven thirty, and after showering, spent over a half hour trying to decide on what to wear. With his predominantly retro-leather wardrobe, inconspicuous was not an easy accomplishment. Besides that, he was being particularly picky about looking good. He didn’t want to attract attention, but he didn’t want to look like a slob. He told himself he was just dressing up a little in case they got recognized. After all, they had a look they were trying to keep up, so he couldn’t just throw on sneakers and sweats. He absolutely refused to wonder to himself if Sean would like his outfit. When you’re in a new city every week, even little crushes could lead to heartbreak when you’ve had enough of them. Besides, he had no reason to think Sean had any interest at all in how he looked. Plus, if Sean really was interested, it put a kind of scary spin on the whole situation. Taylor would have been terribly disappointed if he found out Sean was only going through with all of this because he was attracted to him. He’d had enough of that in the past few years, and right now, more than anything, he wanted a friend. Given that wish, the irony of spending a half hour picking out a shirt was lost on Taylor.

 Sean showed up at nine sharp, and the four guys quickly found themselves sneaking out the back door once again. They exited the alley and Sean led them to a taxi sitting with its engine running about half a block away.

Sean knocked on the window and asked the cabbie if he was on duty.

“Yes, sir.” The driver quickly replied.

Sean nodded and the four of them squeezed into the cab. “Times Square, please.” He said, and they were off. They were tightly packed in the taxi, with Sean sitting next to Taylor. Taylor couldn’t help but notice how firm the leg pressed against his was, though he tried to take his mind off it by worrying about where to put his right hand, which, in the confines of the cab, was poised over Sean’s left knee. That, obviously, was not a viable place for it. He watched Sean chat idly with his brothers as the driver tried to navigate the uptown traffic, and found himself smiling whenever Sean responded to one of his brothers’ remarks with his throaty chuckle.

When they reached Times Square, Sean fished out some cash and handed it to the driver, while saying, “We’ll probably only be here for like fifteen minutes, but at least you can finally say you were in Times Square, instead of looking out at it from the MTV offices.” He was addressing the brothers, but said it more for the driver’s benefit. He didn’t know the driver by name, but he knew he could trust him. He also knew the driver would make sure that another cab would be looking for them in about a quarter of an hour. Just about anyone who worked in any kind of service in Manhattan that was likely to deal with celebrities had a contact. It was a pretty standard deal. Cabbies, waiters in the nicer restaurants, bellhops, maids, desk clerks at hotels, they all knew someone who’d pay for information on where a big name would be. That’s why Sean was making sure that any cabs they took that day were driven by one of “his” people, as he thought of them. There were people in the city whose whole lives were built around secrets that would shake the foundations of every society in the world. They could certainly keep the whereabouts of three young celebrities a secret.

The young men filed out of the cab, and three of the four gazed up around them. “It’s a lot more impressive at night, of course.” Sean explained, “With all the lights, it’s almost as bright here at midnight as it is now.”

“The billboards are huge!” Zac exclaimed, looking at a ten-story cup of coffee, complete with steam rising every few moments from some smoke generator hidden by the sign.

“They cost a fortune too.” Sean said, slipping into tour guide mode. “See that building where Broadway cuts through? That’s the Warner Bros. Store. Those billboards on the side rent for more than the lease and taxes for the building. All the store has to do is make enough a year to pay the employees and they’re guaranteed a profit. And it’s not like Time’s Square real estate is cheap.”

“Whoa.” Zac said, gazing around in awe. “That’s nuts.”

“Well,” Sean went on, “Figure if you rent a billboard here for a year, you’re going to get literally millions of people looking at it. You probably get seen by more people than if you buy a commercial slot for the Super Bowl, and those go for a few million for thirty seconds.”

“There are really that many people here on a day to day basis? Whenever we’re here for TRL, there’s a crowd of girls outside, but it can’t be like that every day, can it?”

“It’s still early now,” Sean replied, “In a few hours, it’ll be pretty busy here. Not quite as bad as when the screaming girls show up, but still, it’ll be crowded.”

“Then let’s not stick around.” Isaac added. He was looking around nervously now, likely worrying about being spotted.

“Good idea.” Sean nodded, and looked around for a taxi. He spotted a familiar face in a cab driving past, and stuck his hand out to wave it down. He didn’t know the driver’s name, but he knew he’d seen him before. The driver gave him a short nod as he pulled to a stop, letting Sean know his memory wasn’t failing him.

Sean gave the driver directions and climbed into the back, squeezing next to Taylor again. He’d been next to him in the last taxi too, and wasn’t about to complain about the contact.

“So where to now?” Isaac asked and the taxi pulled away from the curb.

“I figured we’d hit the Twin Towers. Hank’s on today, so we can get up to the top. That’ll probably be like an hour, then we can head down around the Village and SoHo for lunch, and we can hit some stores if you guys are into that.”

“Sounds good, except for the shopping. That’s always kind of tricky with us,” Taylor said, a bit disappointed. They had gone to a few pretty funky shops in SoHo for various promo things: “Shopping with Hanson” kind of stuff, and a lot of it had been right up his alley.

“What do you mean?” Sean asked, puzzled.

“Store managers love us.” Isaac explained. “We walk in, and they see Free Advertising stamped all over us. If we go in any place, you can guarantee they’ll be taking pictures of us and all kinds of stuff we’re trying to avoid. We spend too much time in a store, and you can bet a camera crew from some local station’s going to show up. Stores love the kind of publicity they can get just by saying we shopped there.” Isaac sounded a bit disappointed too. Another simple activity everyone in the world can do, except them.

“Well, I know a lot of shopkeepers down there. I can find a few places where you won’t have to worry about it. You’ve still got my guarantee, after all.” Sean gave a wink.

“You sure?” Isaac asked, “We’ve run into a lot of trouble like that, especially when our label’s lawyers find out some store’s claiming we endorse them or something.”

“Well, if you guys aren’t comfortable with it, we can skip it entirely, but if you want to, I’ll only take you to places where I know the owners well, and trust them.”

“It’s probably not a good idea.” Taylor frowned. “It’s not that we don’t trust you, or your friends, but we’ve been taken advantage of before, from folks we thought we could trust with stuff like this.”

“No, I understand. It’s okay.” Sean found himself really feeling sorry for the three suddenly. It seemed like someone they once trusted well had done exactly what they were talking about.

“We’re just too much of a temptation, I guess” Taylor laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Sean chuckled, though he had to agree that the young pianist was certainly tempting in many ways.

Sean led the way into the World Trade Center, looking quickly around for the guard, Hank. He thought he worked the main lobby, but wasn’t entirely sure that hadn’t changed. He headed towards the guard desk, and noticed Hank standing to come and meet him. Quickly, once he was sure Hank could see, he moved his fingers in a quick controlled pattern, communicating. “Just call me Sean, no ceremony,” he signed, receiving “Yes, sir,” in response.

“Hank! How’ve you been?” Sean shook the man’s hand, noting his nervousness, and hoping he could follow the cues. “His” people were usually pretty quick to pick up on such subterfuge, but whenever he was around, they often were a bit star-struck. Hank’s reaction to him served to remind him of just why he was going out of his way to show the three young men behind a good time in New York.

“I’ve been good, Sean. What’ve you been up to?” Hank recovered quickly.

“Oh, not much, same shit, different day.”

Hank grinned. “I hear that. What brings you by?”

Sean introduced Hank to Taylor, Isaac and Zac, figuring it would seem strange if he didn’t. “I was wondering if you could get us up to the observation deck. We wanted to avoid the crowds next door.” Sean grinned conspiratorially at Hank.

Hank, who had obviously figured out what was going on, grinned back. “Sure, I’ll take you to the “No fans” section.” He smiled at the three brothers and, after murmuring something to the woman behind the security desk, led them to an elevator.

It was a clear day for New York, and the view was even more impressive than usual. Hank left them alone on the empty deck, and Sean pointed out the other City boroughs and New Jersey.

“Can you see where you live from here?” Taylor asked, leaning on the railing as Sean pointed out Queens, Brooklyn and Long Island. Isaac and Zack were around the corner getting an eyeful of the Statue of Liberty

“No, I’m about halfway out on the Island, so it’s pretty far east of where we can see.”

“Oh, well, we’ve already decided I know nothing about Long Island geography. The only place we’ve been to is the Hamptons.” Taylor explained.

“Yeah, that’s where all you rich stars hang out.” Sean joked. “I, on the other hand, am nowhere near there. The Hamptons are out towards the east end of the Island, a few hours drive from the city.”

Taylor nodded. “Yeah, we drove out there once, and it took a while. I think we were going to some exec’s house or something. Hard to keep track.”

Sean looked over at Taylor, a bit concerned at his tone of voice. The beautiful young man was gazing out over the city, and the melancholy look in his soulful blue eyes nearly broke Sean’s heart. It seemed that celebrity and touring was taking its toll on Hanson’s keyboardist. Sean gently put his hand on Taylor’s shoulder.

“Kind of overwhelming, huh?” He was not talking about the view.

Taylor gazed into his eyes, “Sometimes, yeah.” He said softly, a sad smile crossing his lips, as his eyes showed appreciation at Sean’s understanding.

Sean removed his hand from the boy’s shoulder as Isaac and Zac came around the corner.

“About ready for lunch?” Zac asked, just like countless fifteen year olds before him.

“Sure, if you are.” Taylor replied, glancing back to give Sean a sweet, sincere smile before following his brothers to the elevator.

They had lunch down in SoHo, in the back corner of a small restaurant. Sean, of course, knew the place and assured them they wouldn’t be bothered. At 11:15, they were the first patrons to arrive, and they were immediately seated at a table set in the back, a good distance from the rest of the dining room. Despite the lunch crowd that quickly gathered, the boys weren’t bothered. If anyone did recognize them, they were polite enough not to make an issue of it.

The four young men took their time eating, and waited at the table for a while, talking and letting the lunch crowd thin out before crossing through the dining room.

“Don’t even think of it, Sean,” Isaac said, as he quickly grabbed the check from the table. “You’re going through all the trouble showing us around, there’s no way you’re paying for lunch.”

“It’s no trouble.” Sean quickly objected, “But thanks.”

“Nah,” Isaac argued. “We should be thanking you. To be honest, I wasn’t sure about doing this at all, but you’ve proven me wrong. It’s nice to know not everyone’s like the guy in Amsterdam.”
            Sean looked confused at that remark, and the three brothers told him the story of their last supposed tour guide.

“That’s awful.” Sean exclaimed when they had finished. “Amsterdam’s got a lot to offer, but it’s also got a lot to watch out for.

“Well, it happened in Amsterdam, but it could have happened here just as easily,” Zac added.

“That’s true, I suppose,” Sean agreed. “There are slimeballs everywhere you go.”

“At this point, we’ve started assuming everyone’s a slimeball. It’s easier that way.” Taylor laughed as he said it, but Sean heard a sharp, bitter edge to that laugh. Sean was truly horrified by that story. To think someone would take advantage of three people, who, no matter how rich and famous, were still kids in a lot of ways. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for these three extraordinary young men who had learned at such an early age not to trust anyone. He knew what it was like to go through life like that, but at least he had some control over his situation. Most people didn’t know who he was, so he could afford to take most at face value. These three musicians, though, had been taught that most people who were nice to them were just after something.

“Well,” Sean said, in a joking tone, “If I ever slip up ask you guys for a favor, promise me you’ll say no. I’d hate to find out I’m a slimeball after all.”

All three brothers laughed at that, and Sean could tell they appreciated the comment, even if it was delivered as a joke.

The afternoon went by quickly. Sean showed them a few galleries in SoHo after lunch. Generally, Isaac and Zac would rush through quickly, looking at each painting for a few moments, then moving on to the next, while Sean and Taylor spent time at several pieces discussing them at length. Again, Sean was impressed and quite attracted by Taylor’s intellect and discriminating eye. As he and Taylor got dragged out of yet another gallery by Isaac and Zac, who had already been through the whole collection before the other two had seen half, Sean thought more and more about the almost tragic sacrifices the boys had made for their music.

The last gallery was the largest of the four Sean planned to visit, and as he and Taylor stood talking about a piece, the other brothers again began picking their way at a quicker pace through the rest of the exhibit. It was a large building, Sean knew, so he counted on having a good amount of time alone with Taylor. The more he went over the earlier part of the day in his mind, the more sure he was that Taylor both needed and wanted to open up to someone. It had almost happened at the World Trade Center, and Sean thought he might be able to draw Taylor out now that they were alone.

“Man, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live like you guys do.” Sean began, not wanting to dive into anything too quickly.

“Yeah, it’s really great. We get to make great music, see just about the whole world, meet so many people.” Even as he said it, Sean could sense the rehearsed tone of the speech. Taylor had probably said that a thousand times.

“Yeah,” Sean nodded, pretending to think about it. “But there’s a big price attached to it all.”

Taylor looked at Sean, an unusual kind of sadness in his blue eyes, and smiled ruefully. “Yeah, I guess there is&ldots; it’s like&ldots;.” Taylor glanced down and trailed off.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.“ Sean assured him. “I’m sure you’ve got enough folks prying at your private life as it is.”

“No, it’s not that,” Taylor said quickly. “It’s just&ldots; I don’t know&ldots; Sometimes I wish we’d never left Tulsa, to be honest. I mean, I’m sure that’s normal. It can be rough out on the road all the time, and now and then you really start feeling just how much you’re missing by doing all this.”

“Like having friends with a different last name?” Sean gently asked.

Taylor smiled softly at Sean. “Yeah, for one thing. I mean, I love my family, and Ike and Zac really are my best friends, but it’s like, sometimes you need someone to talk to who’s not involved in whatever you want to talk about, you know? Everything I do, I do with them, so if something’s got me feeling upset, I can’t find anyone who’s not a part of it. If it’s the music, or family, or friends, they’re all the same thing. If I’m mad they decided to cut a song off the play list that I really like, I can’t complain to my family, because they’re the ones who cut it. If I’m mad at my brothers for something they did, I can’t complain to my friends, or the guys I work with, because they’re the same people. And on top of it all, we’re all so protective of each other, we’re such a tightly knit group, that it’s like I’m betraying them just saying any of this.”

“That’s normal Tay,” Sean said quietly. “There’s nothing wrong with getting mad at your family, or friends, or the people you work with. It doesn’t mean you don’t like or love them, it’s just how people are. No family in the world doesn’t piss each other off now and then. It’s the same with friends.”

“I know,” Taylor agreed after a moment. “It’s just&ldots; For instance, I know they’d be mad at me for telling you this. Not so much because I’m saying that I get mad or upset at them now and then, but because everything I do affects them too. That’s a part of the problem. If they heard me saying all this, I know exactly what my family would say: ‘What if he talks to a reporter? They can twist all that around, and then next thing you know, there’s some headline saying you hate your family, or you hate being in the band.’” Taylor sighed. “I know you’re not a reporter, and I know you’d never do anything like that, but it’s bigger than that. Everything I say and do doesn’t just affect me, it affects Hanson, which mean it affects my whole family.

“Like, if I wanted to quit the band, which I don’t, but if I did, it’s not like that would just mean I wasn’t in the band any more. It’d ruin the band, just like it would if Isaac or Zac did. So they’d be out of the band too, pretty much. And anything I do or say that can have a negative effect on our sales or our concerts means they suffer that too. And now, the whole family relies on us to make money, so there’s all of that. It’s not just my brothers’ careers that I can hurt, but also my parents and everyone else.

“Don’t get me wrong, though. I really do love what we’re doing. I love being in the band. I love touring. Everything I said before was true. And if I had it all to do over, I’d do pretty much everything the same. But like you said, there’s a big price attached.”

Sean’s heart now truly ached for this hurting young man next to him. His own life was filled with a kind of alienation. He knew all about making sacrifices for other people, and how important it was to act the right way, and say the right things, in order to protect others. He put his hand on Taylor’s shoulder gently. It was a tender act, stemming from compassion and friendship, with none of the overtones such gestures can have. “It doesn’t have to be an either or situation, you know.” Sean’s voice was filled with empathy as he spoke. “You can find other friends, if you look for them. Sure, you have to be careful, and you’ll probably be disappointed now and then. But you don’t have to choose between being a part of Hanson, and everything that implies, and letting a few other people you can trust get to know you.”

            Sean spoke carefully. On one hand, he really did care about Taylor, and he hoped his words wouldn’t be lost on him. On the other hand, he knew he couldn’t really be the kind of friend Taylor needed. It was one thing to show him around town, and even be there when he needed a shoulder. It was entirely another to be the kind of long term, close friend he was talking about. Sean believed what he was saying, as far as it related to Taylor, but not for himself. The choices he had to make where very different. A friend of Taylor’s would have to deal with annoying press, probably, and would also feel some of the disappointment of realizing some people would use him to get to Taylor. A friend of Sean’s however, would have to deal with death threats, kidnapping attempts, intimidation, attacks, and, as Sean had learned through a very painful experience, even torture. He could, of course, continue hiding that part of his life from Taylor and the other members of the Hanson clan, but that was out of the question. A week showing them the sites before going their own ways was one thing. A long-term friendship based on one young man’s complete honesty, and another’s complete deception couldn’t possibly work. Besides all that, Taylor deserved better. If he was looking for someone he could open up to, he deserved someone who could do the same. If not, he could find a therapist to open up to. At least then there would be the open understanding that only Taylor would be doing the opening up.

            Taylor of course, didn’t know any of this was going through Sean’s mind. He took he words at face value, smiling slightly. He wasn’t too sure if what Sean was saying was really plausible, but it was nice to think that perhaps he was right. It was nice to think he’d find someone he could trust to just be his friend. “Maybe you’re right.”

            “I know I am,” Sean said, and gave Taylor’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before removing his hand. “Come one, let’s go track down your brothers and get some dinner. Zac’s probably gnawing the frame off some painting somewhere by now.”

            Taylor gave a sudden laugh. “You’re probably right. We’re going to have to buy some godawful watercolor of grapes in a bowl because they found him trying to lick them off the canvas.”

            Laughing, the two wandered off in search of the two brothers.

            For dinner, Sean decided to take a chance. It was getting close to 6 and he didn’t want to keep the boys out too late. They didn’t really have a curfew, but he was sure their parents would start worrying about them if they were out too late in the evening. There was a coffee shop around the corner he knew they would be okay at. The problem was he wasn’t sure if he would be okay too. It was owned, operated, and almost exclusively patronized, by “his” people. They all new how to act around strangers, so he wasn’t worried about them giving out any secrets, but the shop also acted as a sort of unofficial headquarters and waystation for his people as they kept an eye on the neighborhood. From time to time, emergencies would crop up and have to be dealt with there. That was one of the reasons that the management discouraged strangers. The food wasn’t that good for non-regulars. The prices were high, and while it wasn’t exactly unfriendly, it wasn’t really friendly either. Basically, anyone who they didn’t want around eventually decided there were nicer places to frequent. As far as Sean was concerned, however, it was the best choice. At that time of night, even he would be hard pressed to find a place to eat and be even reasonably sure they wouldn’t be bothered.

The three brothers looked dubious as they followed Sean into the small shop. “This is the place?” Zac asked skeptically as he looked around the dark room. Nearby patrons glanced up at the foursome, but uninterestedly returned to their coffee and conversations, unaware or unimpressed by the status of the group before them.

“Yep.” Sean said cheerfully as he strode to a table in the front corner. A few large plants and several signs in the window effectively blocked anyone from seeing inside, so there was no danger in being in the front of the shop. He gestured at the table, and turned towards the counter as they boys sat down. “I’ll go grab some menus,” He said, as his motioning fingers quickly caught the waitress’s attention. “I’ve been here a few times, enough of you to recognize my face, but not much else.” The waitress subtly signed back, “Yes, sir.” The motions were so casual they were not easily noticeable by anyone not trained to understand them. Even if one of the boys had looking at her, they probably wouldn’t have even registered the movements of her fingers.

Sean returned and sat down, his back to the rest of the room. The menus held the normal coffee shop offerings, and the four ordered sandwiches and other similar fare. Before the waitress returned with the order, however, the door from the street burst open, and two men hurried in, supporting a third between them. And that’s when the whole world changed.